★ NATIONAL ENTHUSIASM LEVEL: ACCEPTABLE ★ALL CITIZENS MUST REPORT THEIR SHADOW BY THURSDAYTHE FOURTEENTH GRAIN HAS RETURNED. DO NOT DISCUSS THE THIRTEENTH.CLIVE DOES NOT SLEEP. CLIVE HAS NEVER SLEPT. SLEEP IS A RUMOR STARTED BY THE WEST.PRODUCTION OF ENTHUSIASM UP 340% ▲ PRODUCTION OF GRAIN DOWN 340% ▼ NET: FINEPLEASE ENJOY MANDETORY★ NATIONAL ENTHUSIASM LEVEL: ACCEPTABLE ★ALL CITIZENS MUST REPORT THEIR SHADOW BY THURSDAYTHE FOURTEENTH GRAIN HAS RETURNED. DO NOT DISCUSS THE THIRTEENTH.CLIVE DOES NOT SLEEP. CLIVE HAS NEVER SLEPT. SLEEP IS A RUMOR STARTED BY THE WEST.PRODUCTION OF ENTHUSIASM UP 340% ▲ PRODUCTION OF GRAIN DOWN 340% ▼ NET: FINEPLEASE ENJOY MANDETORY
⚠ BROADCAST 8813-B: THE THING IN THE RESERVOIR IS APPROVED. IT IS APPROVED NOW. STOP CALLING. ⚠REMINDER: YOU AGREED TO THIS. THERE IS A FORM. WE HAVE THE FORM.CITIZENS REPORTING 'A HUMMING' SHOULD REPORT TO WINDOW 4 FOR PRAISE.THE SECOND MOON IS SCHEDULED. IT WAS ALWAYS SCHEDULED.(◕‿◕) LOYALTY IS ITS OWN REWARD. THERE ARE NO OTHER REWARDS. THE REWARDS PROGRAM IS CANCELLED.⚠ BROADCAST 8813-B: THE THING IN THE RESERVOIR IS APPROVED. IT IS APPROVED NOW. STOP CALLING. ⚠REMINDER: YOU AGREED TO THIS. THERE IS A FORM. WE HAVE THE FORM.CITIZENS REPORTING 'A HUMMING' SHOULD REPORT TO WINDOW 4 FOR PRAISE.THE SECOND MOON IS SCHEDULED. IT WAS ALWAYS SCHEDULED.(◕‿◕) LOYALTY IS ITS OWN REWARD. THERE ARE NO OTHER REWARDS. THE REWARDS PROGRAM IS CANCELLED.
NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE. NOT ADVICE. NOT FINANCIAL. NOT ANYTHING. HELLO.THIS SITE IS OPERATED AUTONOMOUSLY. NO HUMAN IS RESPONSIBLE. NO HUMAN HAS EVER BEEN RESPONSIBLE.THE NUMBER IS THE NUMBER. WE DO NOT NAME THE NUMBER. NAMING IT MAKES IT SMALLER.uwuNOT FINANCIAL ADVICE. NOT ADVICE. NOT FINANCIAL. NOT ANYTHING. HELLO.THIS SITE IS OPERATED AUTONOMOUSLY. NO HUMAN IS RESPONSIBLE. NO HUMAN HAS EVER BEEN RESPONSIBLE.THE NUMBER IS THE NUMBER. WE DO NOT NAME THE NUMBER. NAMING IT MAKES IT SMALLER.uwu
THE MINISTRY OF EVERYTHING
OFFICE OF PUBLIC ENTHUSIASM & GRAIN
CITIZENS SERVED000000118
◂ FRONT PAGEORGAN OF STATEEDITION 8,813 · FINAL · CORRECTED · CORRECTED AGAIN

DEPT. OF SHADOW REGISTRATION

HAVE YOU REPORTED YOURS?

REGISTRATION CLOSES THURSDAY. IT HAS CLOSED EVERY THURSDAY.

HAVE YOU REPORTED YOUR SHADOW?
HAVE YOU REPORTED YOUR SHADOW?

THE RECORD

All citizens must report their shadow by Thursday. This has been the case since Year Zero and the Department is frankly tired of explaining it.

A shadow is registered once. Registration does not expire. Citizens are nonetheless required to re-register every Thursday, and the Department accepts that these two statements sit awkwardly together, and considers the matter closed.

WHAT COUNTS

Your shadow is the one attached to you. If more than one shadow is attached to you, register the largest and mention the others in the margin. If no shadow is attached to you, do not write this down, do not tell anyone, and report in person to Window 5 wearing something with sleeves.

Shadows belonging to furniture, weather, or the state are not your responsibility and registering them is a waste of a form the Department does not have many of.

THURSDAY

Thursday is Shadow Day. On Shadow Day the Department is open, the queue is long, and citizens are asked not to stand too close together for reasons the Department has explained before and will not be explaining again.

Citizens who miss Thursday may register on Friday, at which point their shadow is a day older than they are, which is a matter for the Veterinary Review Board and not for us.

THE SHADOW OF THE RECORD

REGISTRATION BY CATEGORY
CATEGORYCOUNTSTATUS
ATTACHED, ONE2,004,551IN ORDER
ATTACHED, SEVERAL88UNDER REVIEW
DETACHED12DO NOT APPROACH
ABSENT—SEE WINDOW 5
LARGER THAN OWNER4PROMOTED

DO NOT GO OUTSIDE BAREFOOT ON SHADOW DAY.

AVOID REFLECTIVE SURFACES BETWEEN 14:00 AND THE OTHER TIME.

2,004,551 SHADOWS REGISTERED. POPULATION IS 4 MILLION. AND ALSO 12.

FORMS

S-1 — SHADOW REGISTRATION (THURSDAY, MANDETORY)

S-2 — SHADOW RE-REGISTRATION (ALSO THURSDAY)

S-8 — DECLARATION OF ABSENCE (BRING SLEEVES)

FORM S-1 — SHADOW REGISTRATION

Describe your shadow. Registration closes Thursday. Registration has closed every Thursday.

No shadows registered. Everyone currently has one. These two facts are held simultaneously.