RE: SPECIES
REACHES FINDING, RETRACTS FINDING, RE-ISSUES FINDING, ADJOURNS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
The Board exists to determine what animal the First Citizen is. It has been sitting since Year Zero. It has reached a finding on eleven occasions and retracted it on eleven occasions, most recently within the same afternoon.
The current official species is whatever the front page says it is. The front page is updated continuously. The Board regards this as a satisfactory arrangement.
He is a horse. This has always been the case. Documents stating that he is a frog were produced by a bad printer, and the printer has been thanked and removed.
CORRECTION: he is a frog. Disregard the above. The printer has been reinstated with an apology and a small flag.
FURTHER CORRECTION: the Board wishes to note that both prior findings were correct at time of issue and that citizens who have been telling people he is a dog were, at one point, also correct, and should not be approached about it.
The Board has never examined the subject. Examination was proposed once and the proposal is filed in the Archive of Things That Did Not Happen, where it is one of the more heavily consulted documents.
Determinations are instead made from photographs, from the recollections of people who have stood near him, and — in three cases — from a drawing he made of himself, which the Board has described as 'unhelpful' and 'technically a confession'.
OFFICIAL SPECIES IS UPDATED CONTINUOUSLY. DO NOT MEMORISE IT.
HE HAS NEVER BEEN A BIRD. THAT ONE WAS A RUMOUR.
DO NOT ASK HIM DIRECTLY. HE SAYS YES.
The Board welcomes public evidence. The Board will disregard public evidence. Both are true and both are recorded.
WHAT ANIMAL IS HE?
0 DECLARATIONS ON RECORD